Here are your random numbers:
Timestamp: 2010-06-30 12:49:30 UTC
When the two are alone, she can tell him what she suspects. I urge her not to push him to face his abuse or find healing. Do her best to communicate her unconditional love for him and say, "If you ever want to talk further, I want to listen."
Most survivors were betrayed and taken advantage of by someone they knew—a family member, a neighbor, or someone in the church. Those are the people who should have protected him. If they failed him, whom can he trust? He may not be able to vocalize the issue, but it's usually there. He may struggle with trust: either he trusts everyone or trusts no one or he may vacillate between the two extremes.
Survivors don't forget the past—especially trauma such as abuse. They may not recall every detail, but the experience was imprinted on them and will have an effect on their lives until they face the past and experience healing.
They can deny it or ignore it, but they don't forget. They can't move on until they've resolved those past issues. They need to be able to speak of the past and to accept what happened to them.
Be patient with him and let him move at his own pace. Her role is not to push him to forgive; her role is to be at his side as he moves toward forgiveness. Her uncritical acceptance of him as he is can go a long way toward helping him feel normal.
To forgive is his spiritual struggle and he must choose to forgive—or not to forgive. She can tell him that she's praying for him to forgive.
Long after physical abuse, survivors have an inner abuser and they often carry guilt for letting the assault hap-pen (even though they were helpless). Until they're healed, their inner voice accuses them and undermines their self-worth. They often find it difficult to believe that they're lovable and especially that God could love them.
He needs to come to terms with the way his abuse affected his behavior and his attitude toward himself and others. As the significant women in his life love him and accept him, they enable him to defeat the inner abuser.
We breezed through the hard part, and breathed a surreptitious sigh of relief. But the music galloped right along and we were suddenly at a pause in the score. Now we'd been over this piece so many times that it was alomst second nature, however the director momentarily lost her wits and during the interlude, sang out, "Hallelujah!" The choir stared at me aghast. Nobody sang while I performed my impromptu solo. Ten measures later, the choir sang their "Hallelujah" just as they had practiced.
Add this to your site