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by author Lauren Roedy Vaughn
I’m sitting at dinner with my mom and dad and staring down at my thighs. They take up way too much space on the chair. I’m trying to mentally suck in my thighs. My mom’s thighs only take up a fraction of space on the newly upholstered dining room chairs; her thighs are as lovely as the chairs. Not so much mine.
I’m currently worried that the mash potatoes I’m eating will travel straight down to my thighs and burst open the seams of my jeans. I know that’s impossible, but I can’t stop myself from thinking about it. These are the kinds of thoughts I have during dinner. This is just how my mind works.I put the cloth napkin over my thighs so a huge portion of their real estate is hidden from view. Okay, Danielle, stop thinking about your thighs. Force yourself to have some other thoughts.
Good thoughts I force myself to have during dinner:1. I’m on page 226 of Pride and Prejudice. I’m rereading it for the fourth time. Very satisfying.
2. If my thighs don’t explode during dinner, maybe I can watch a Jake Gyllenhaal movie before bed. Awesome.
3. Aunt Joyce is coming over this weekend. Fabulous. She’s taking me to a see the Restoration comedy that she designed the costumes for. Can’t wait.
4. I hope she can snag me a dress and a few hats after the run of the show.
5. Will try on all my hats after dinner.
6. Had to have a sixth thought because I don’t like to end on odd numbers.
I’m uber glad people can’t hear my thoughts. They would think I’m as nuts as I know I am. That reminds me that I better check the lock on my me-moir binder. All my writing, all my thoughts, all my emails and secret journals live there, and I can’t remember if I locked it.
“Mom, may I be excused?”
“You just sat down to dinner.”
“I’m not that hungry and I’m protecting my thighs.”
“Finish your dinner and then you can be excused. Your thighs are perfectly fine.”
Sometimes my mom is clueless.
How Danielle navigates her status as a “learning-challenged” teen pariah is told, with equal parts pain and hilarity, in Lauren Roedy Vaughn’s debut Young Adult novel, OCD, THE DUDE, AND ME, which Kirkus Review has hailed as a “must-read.”
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Her latest book is the contemporary humorous young adult fiction, OCD, the Dude & Me.
You can visit Lauren Roedy Vaughn’s website at www.laurenroedyvaughn.com
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