“THINGS YOUR DOG DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW”
When we first starting writing “Things Your Dog Doesn’t Want You to Know,” we tried to address the big questions that all dog owners have: “What We Do When You’re Gone,” “Why Do I Stick My Head Out The Car Window,” and “What Do I Think of Elevators?”
The initial idea was to keep them generic, in a sort of Everydog persona. But we soon realized that the humor was in the specifics. It was funnier if the dog had a real personality, and even funnier if we invented a variety of “dog bloggers” with radically different personalities.
We wound up creating eleven dogs, from tiny and obnoxious (Tinkerbell, author of “My Life in Your Purse”) to large and dumb (Axelrod, author of “The Reason I Ate the Sofa”). And we gave each dog an arc, which is a writerly term for “all the little stories add up to something.” For example, Sarge is a German Shepherd and a working dog. In each of his stories, he gets a new job and it always winds up being a disaster. By the time Sarge tells his tenth story, he has finally been adopted by a great family. But he still thinks it’s a job, and this one he doesn’t want to lose.
Even though we have 115 different stories in the book, every dog has kept a few secrets to himself. Here, in an exclusive story for “The Love of Books,” each of our canine correspondents reveals one little known fact about their lives.
When you call me, I’m actually counting. One Sophie means “Hello”. Two Sophies mean, “Excuse me for not saying it loud enough the first time.” Three Sophies mean, “Please come here if you don’t have anything better to do.” By eight Sophies, I’m actually thinking about coming.
That pain in your right arm is not arthritis. It’s what we call Puppy Elbow. This occurs when a puppy pulls you in one direction and then suddenly decides to go in another direction. As far as we know, there is no cure.
Okay, digging the first hole in the backyard was a mistake. But don’t blame me for digging the other six. I was trying to get the extra dirt needed to fill in the first hole. And then everything just got out of paw.
Dogs have fifteen different words for poop, from hard and old to loose and stinky. That’s pretty good for an animal that has no language.
Why do I like to carry sticks? Because it shows you how big and strong I am. There’s an expression we have. “Bark softly and carry a big stick.” This refers to the fact that we can’t bark loud when there’s a big stick in our mouth.
When I’m up in the woods and I hear you shouting “Axel, come here! Doggy treat,” you probably don’t realize that I’m busy eating deer poop – which tastes so much better than doggie treat, so why should I come? Would you?
You probably don’t know, but dogs are very cultured. Take poetry. My favorite is “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”, especially that part about peeing on all the trees. I think that’s in there. My least favorite is “The Road Not Taken.” Who would pass by a road and not run down it? That doesn’t make sense.
My monthly birthday will be here in two weeks, so I thought you might like a list of my favorite toys. Dog tags are fun to chew, so you might want to get me new ones. Left shoes are good, but just the left ones. And I can use a few new wastebaskets filled with smelly stuff.
How can I spend five minutes smelling the same tree? Well, how can you sit and stare at that box on your desk for hours? With a tree, at least there are smells, and then there are the other smells. And then sometimes I zone out for a second and forget where I was and I have to start all over.
I know you’ve been wondering. Does a puppy keep playing when there’s no one watching? Well, maybe infant puppies who don’t know better. But the whole point of play is to make you realize we’re so adorable. And we certainly know when there’s a video camera. I went viral twice this year, three times if you count the ear infection.
Why do we dogs chase each other in big circles? That’s a dumb question. The reason is that chasing each other in a straight line is impractical. I tried it once with a friend and we didn’t get back home for days.
Now for the giveaway...I have a copy of this featured book to giveaway to one of my blog readers. Leave a comment telling me your favorite breed of dog; maybe it is one listed above maybe it is a different one. The winner will be chosen by random using rafflecopter so be sure fill out the form as well as leave your comment to this post. Make sure there is a way of contact. This giveaway is restricted to the U.S. and Canada residents only please. I will leave this giveaway open through Oct. 12th.
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